A New Hope...

I woke up this morning with the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t make out what it was. I had a sudden rush of energy, and my heart started pumping rapidly. I was sure something was wrong with me. What else could it be? I ran to the mirror in the bathroom to make sure everything was in order. I wasn’t missing any body parts, and everything was where it should be. So I went back to bed, and huddled in the fetal position. I laid there for over an hour, going over the various possibilities. But it then hit me like a sack of moldy tangerines; I was feeling optimistic.
Yes, it was the first time I’d experienced anything like this in a while, and I still can’t say for certain what exactly I’m feeling optimistic about. But I was vibrant the rest of the day. Even the evil queen of the mailroom couldn’t ruin my mood. I was floating on air.
But as the haze, and excitement of this ordinary day wears thin, I am left wondering what it was that could put me in such high spirits. I’ve been weighing the possibilities, and nothing is for certain as of yet.
It could be that the third Star Wars film is coming out, and everyone thinks it’s a good one. A.O. Scott of The New York Times said it was incredible; even better than the first. Like so many other people who grew up with the original trilogy, I was severely disappointed in the last two. I was always planning on watching the third one, just to see how Lucas decided to wrap it all up, but I wasn’t going to wait in line with the “there but for the grace of Obi Wan Ken obi go I” crowd. I’d done it once at the release of the first movie. It was what our older generations liked to call a happening. I called it the biggest let down of my way too-short life (which has been filled with many, many let downs, mostly self-fulfilling). But this one is to be different. There’s no hype for this one because of the last two. Any review given to it is as objective (if not negatively leaning) as possible, and it is with that knowledge that I so look forward to seeing it.
But let’s not kid ourselves. Lucas still has one foot in the shitter with a lot of people, including me, and I’m not throwing my life’s dreams away to see this thing. I’ll wait until I can get a ticket and sit in a reasonable seat like a civilized person, and then we’ll see how this thing adds up. Plus, I’m interested in hearing what the nerds have to say about it. Flip on any news channel tomorrow morning, and you’ll see all kinds of stories gauging reaction by the few and faithful who wasted the last six weeks of their lives sitting in front of a theatre outside a suburban strip mall without a shower, job, or any sense of pride for an event that will last two hours, and will be viewable many more times over the next few months. These will be the true critics, because they’ve got so much invested in it.
How do you tell your kid that you spent six weeks in line to see the unbelievable piece of shit that was Episode One? It won’t be easy, I assure you. They need to come away with a story that doesn’t sound like they received countless strawberries from ignorant bullies in high school, and Episode Three is going to be their mother’s milk. I almost want the movie to suck, just so I can see the look on their eyes when they come to the realization that they’ve just wasted another month on total shit. Call me sadistic, but I say that’s where the real fun lies.

But I have a hard time believing that this sudden rush of happiness came from this upcoming major motion picture event. After all, I have bigger things coming up on the horizon. I can’t wait for the Republicans in the senate to pull out the nuclear option, and ban filibustering. We’ll see a shut down of government that hasn’t been experienced since the Republicans decided to stop the wheels of democracy in 1995. Clinton had luck on his side that day, and the spinsters wound up in his corner.
The stakes are a lot higher now. The President is holding all the chips, and like Matt Damon said in Rounders, once you’re in that position, all you have to do is lean on the other guy. There’s no doubt that this petty bickering will result in little more than an all out public relations war. In the past, the Dems have had the upper hand, mainly because we’re better people than they are, but we’re playing against a real pro this time. He plays for keeps, and you’d better be prepared to go all the way, or you’re going to lose. We’re talking about abortion, guns, taxes, and the whole shebang. It may sound like I’m exaggerating here, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Historically, second-term presidents have been slowed down due to lack of trust. The same thing was happening with this President, but he isn’t going down without a fight. This fight is the political equivalent to losing a gun battle, but saving whatever strength you have left to raise your arm, and take your opponent down with you. Bush doesn’t want to win, but he certainly isn’t going to be the only loser. They’re playing a game with our lives, and in the end, we’re all losers.

Despite that last negative part, I am excited about the fight. But it can’t be why I’m so excited. The truth is, I’ll probably never know why, and that should be okay. I may wake up feeling like shit tomorrow, and the least I can do right now is bask in my happiness. These things are always unexpected. I bottomed out emotionally two years ago thanks to our lovely unemployment rates. You all know what I’m talking about. But the turning point for me was so concise that I can place the exact time and location that it happened. I had given up on the idea that Bob Dylan had anything new to offer me. But a slew of albums I had previously belligerently disregarded as crap showed me that there are no limits to the things we can do. Monkeys will head up SWAT teams, Mexicans and rednecks will get along together, I’ll stop complaining, the moons of Jupiter will align, and we will all achieve that unspeakable goal of beauty, accomplishment, and great sex. Then, we will all be winners.And if you buy any of that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Tip your waitresses.